How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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