He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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