Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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