Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just threw up on my dentist
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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