im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize
