She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
