Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
