Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
