I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
