before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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