life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
