did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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