I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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