im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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