You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
