don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
