he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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