I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
