i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
