dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drunk is not a location!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
