I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She bit a glass in half.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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