i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
