You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
