You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You work out of a Hotel?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
