I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
