I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
