He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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