dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
