im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
