You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
