my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
