No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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