I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
