JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
