Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize