I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
