Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
