im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
