I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
