I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
