I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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