I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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