ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
