he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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