Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
