Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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