...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
