So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
