We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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