I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize