My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How did I end up in the pool?!
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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