dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't deserve a penis
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
