You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
