how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
