When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
