is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
