Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
