Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
