i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
And then he peed in my hair
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