I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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