There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
