there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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