I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
