he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
