I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
