You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
