I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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