i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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