eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
There's even glitter on my cock...
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